CRAZINESS

1

It was already 10:45 pm and I was in rush to watch Bigg Boss 13. I was a big fan of the show. So, in the rush, I opened the channel.  It has been one week that the show had started. During the week, I was influenced by one person, Koena Mitra, a film actress, and a good dancer. She was lost in the middle of the 2000s. I was thinking that she was such a nice person than why did she was lost in the film industry.

She had such a personality that I immediately fell in love with her. Most of the contestants used to pretend to be nice but she was natural and didn’t show off. Every day, I fell in love with her more. She had something that was making me fall in love with her.

My story started after she was evicted from the show. After two weeks, she was evicted from the show. After two weeks, she was evicted from the show, I started searching for her on Google and YouTube. The more I searched about her, the more I fell in love with her.

After searching for her, I started watching her movies. She was preferred as an item dancer and one of the songs a huge success. The song was ‘Sakki Sakki’ from the movie ‘Musafir.’ I watched this movie but only half. Koena died in the movie and I didn’t prefer to watch. The next movie that I watched was ‘Anamika’ which I loved because of Koena. Not only those movies, I also watched was ‘Apna Sapna Money Money.’ Not the only  movies, but I also loved the songs of the movie especially ‘Dil Mein Naji Guitar.’

2

I was crazy and was lost in her memories.  After one and a half months of the show, I planned to visit India. So, I started searching for colleges and Universities. Moreover, I searched for the college where she studied but I couldn’t apply to the college because the college was for only girls. So, I looked at another one named Amity University. I applied for MAIT and got a scholarship.

After getting the scholarship, I told my parents. In the beginning, my parents were surprised as well as shocked. It’s because I had a nice job and had completed my Bachelor’s Degree in IT. More than this, I had never planned to study abroad. My father concerned was not to leave a nice job. Meanwhile, I said, “I want to study further. MAIT will help me more to gain opportunities as an IT professional. Dad and mom, please let me go.”

“But why India?”

“India came first in my mind.”

In the beginning, it was difficult for me to convince my parents but later they agreed on my decision and I was happier. I felt like my dream is fulfilled and I was not in this world. I couldn’t sleep the whole night and saw Koena in my dreams.

3

It was the month of December 2019. The class was supposed to begin on January 2, 2020. I was rushed to go early. December 2, 2019, was the day where I was flying to Kolkata. My father was travelling with me. After the settlement of mine, he will be returning.

We were at Tribhuwan International Airport [TIA] and the time was 11:00 am. We were waiting for boarding. Around 11:30 am, we were called for boarding and were on the plane. Immediately after entering the plane, dad called mom and informed her that we were on the plane. While dad was on the mobile, my concentration was on Kolkata. My heart was restless. I was excited as well as nervous.

The time was 1:00 pm. The plane took up. Before taking up, the air hostess was giving a brief about seat beat, emergency, oxygen, etc. When the air hostess was giving a brief, I felt like Koena was providing information. I was focused on air hostess only. I felt like if Koena was an air hostess, there were chances of many passengers on the plane and could come to see her only.

When the plane took up, my heart too took up. Moreover, I felt like my dream was about to be fulfilled. I was lost in my world. There were lots of questions in my mind like how to meet her, after meeting her what to say, whether she will accept my proposal, etc. If she will accept my love, I will be the luckiest one but if she rejects me, I will one of the unfortunate people. My ego will be hurt. Before meeting her, my heart couldn’t accept her rejection, what will be after meeting her? I was lost in her memories and I didn’t know when we reached Kolkata airport. After completing the process at the airport, we called a cap and we were on the way to the University.

When we reached University, I found the University huge and it took us time for the administration. There were buildings for each facility. When we reached University, we were confused about where to go. After a few minutes, we saw one person and asked about the administration and he showed us the way and we thanked him. The administration was itself huge. We got all the information that we needed. After the information, we started visiting the University and I loved the University. We planned to stay at the hostel for a few days and soon we started searching for rent for me.

4

Only a few days were remaining for the classes. We were in search of the room. It was my preference to stay in the rented room rather than a hostel because I wanted to meet Koena Mitra.

Finally, after two weeks, I got a room near the University. This made me easier for the University and we left the University’s hostel and were in the room. There was one room, kitchen, and bathroom which were flexible for me. After I was settling down, my father said, “Now, everything is settled down, so I must leave tomorrow. I have already booked the return ticket and I have the flight of 3:30 pm tomorrow. You stay properly as well as study well. Do call us and on holiday do come to visit us.”

I just nodded my head and we both remained silent. In my life, I had never stayed alone. This was the first time that I was staying alone and I had to do everything myself. For a while, I looked at my father. He too was looking at me. My eyes were filled with tears. I felt that there were so many words to say but I was speechless.

I didn’t how long does it take to meet my father later, so I spend my time with my father. I felt bad and I don’t know what will happen when he leaves tomorrow.

The next day, everything was ready. For a while, my father took a rest. After 45 minutes, I gave a look at the time and the time was 12:45 and I woke up my father. We, then, stopped the taxi and reached the airport. When we reached the airport, I paid the money and we were inside the airport. I hugged my dad. I felt despondent. We both waved at each other. We both were looking at each other. My eyes were filled with tears. For the first time in my life, I was emotional. For one girl, I was in India and was leaving my parents for a few months. He was inside and after a few minutes, I left the airport.

5

I was at Lady Brabourne College. It was not that easy to enter college.  I convinced the guard that I came to get information about the college to my sister and he let me in. I was in the administration.

“Hello,” I said.

“Hello.” Amrita Singh said. She let me sit down.

“I am Safar from Nepal. I want the information about the college for my sister.  She wanted to stay here. ”

She was providing me the information about the college but I was not that much attentive. I was looking here and there. After a few minutes, I was provided the form. Meanwhile, I said, “Can I look at the college?” 

“Sure.”

I was with one of the people. He showed me the college. Meanwhile, I said, “Is there any building where the student's data are kept?”

He gave a suspicious look. His look made me feel like I asked a wrong question and I said, “Sorry if I asked the wrong question.”

“That’s fine.” He took me to the student’s information building and he said, “Students are not allowed to come here without information.”

I nodded my head. I looked at the building and I liked the college. Although the college was old, the college had facilities and the college was huge.

After a week, I filled up the form and without a photo, I was in college. I gave the form to the administration and convinced the administration about the photo. He agreed. After giving the form, I looked here and there. I saw nobody in the room.  Again, I looked here and there and saw nobody. I then gave a look at the file of K. She had a Master’s in Psychology. I took photographs of the information. Immediately, I got out of the information centre. I felt relaxed after coming out of college.  Unfortunately, my happiness could not resist for a long period. She was staying at the Silver Beach Apartment. To reach Kolkata from Mumbai, it takes 41 hours. Without thinking, I went to the train station and brought tickets. To the renter, I said that I shall return after two weeks.

6

I was in the city and I was new in the city. After I reached the railway station, I took a taxi. If I was in Nepal, I could have a conversation with the driver but this place was new for me.  After a few minutes, I reached to Silver Beach Apartment.

When I was at the gate, the guard said, “Where are you going and who are you?”

For the moment, I was lost and didn’t know what to say, He, meanwhile, was focusing on me and he again said, “Where are you lost?”

“I want to meet Koena Mitra. Can I meet her?”

He gave a smile and said, “There are lots of people who come here to meet her. People come and go. Do you think that it’s easy to meet her?  Do you think that she will easily meet you?” He smiled which made me angry and I left the place.

It was not easy to meet her. I looked at the apartment and left the place. Now, I didn’t know where to stay. There was no proper placement so, sometimes, I used to sleep on the road. I didn’t have a fixed place to sleep. In the daytime, I used to look at the apartment.  More than an apartment, I was observing Koena and her time and I followed her.

7

After two weeks…..

In those two weeks, my stay in Mumbai was the worst. There was no proper way to stay nor to eat. Not only that, neither I received my parent's call nor I called them. If I received their calls, they will talk about the college and I won’t want to tell them the truth about why I came to India and why I was not attending the classes. But I didn’t know that my life was about to change.

I was at the apartment gate and was hiding my face so that the guard could not recognize me. It was Sunday and it was Koena’s birthday. I was waiting for her. After one hour, she came out from the gate.  She had worn a silk sari. She looked more beautiful without make-up.  I was focused on her and followed her. She reached the temple. I was hiding and looking at her. Later, I was inside the temple. She was focused on the worship and I was looking at her. Although I was focused on her, she didn’t bother to look at me and she left the temple. By following her, I knew about her and I was happy. After gathering information about her, I made a plan to meet her.

8

Although I had no money to stay at the apartment, I made the courage to stay at the apartment. I paid an installment for the apartment and starting staying at the apartment. Moreover, I started searching for a job but couldn’t find any. So, I started selling newspapers. Luck favoured me because my room was next to Koena Mitra. I was overwhelmed to see her. Her room number was 300 and mine was 301.

After two days, I wrote a letter which mentioned that:-

Dear Koenaji,

                          I am Safar and I am from Nepal. I became a huge fan of yours after watching Bigg Boss 13. The way you talked and your straightforwardness made me a huge fan of yours. After Bigg Boss, I started watching your movies. I love the way you act and dance. I want to see you more in the movies.

                                                                                               Your’s Fan

                                                                                          Safar

I read the letter and kept it under the door mate and I went into my room. Then, after a few minutes, I heard the door sound of room number 300. I looked and she went inside the room. I was curious whether she had seen the letter or not. Moreover, I used to send letters every day but there was no response. I was in anger mood and felt like what shall I do. I felt like what could happen if she could have given a response to my letters. I felt like she doesn’t want to meet and give a response to my letters.

9

I knocked on the door at room number 300. She said, “Who is this?”

I had no immediate answer. When I remained silent, she came to open the door and said, “Who are you?”

I was just looking at her. When I was concentrating on her, she was amazed and she said, “Who are you, and why are you looking like that?”

“Room service.”

“Room service? I don’t need anything right now.”  She smiled and closed the door. I was more than fortunate because I was able to have a conversation with her.

After two days, I again knocked on the door. She opened the door and amazed to see me. She, then, said, “You came again. Last time, you lied to me that you are room service. There is no room service in this apartment. It means you are following me.”

“Yes?”  I accidentally said yes.

“What?” She said.

“No. I wasn’t following you. I saw you drinking a cup of tea on the balcony so, I wanted to join you. Hope you don’t mind.”

“Who are you?” She said. She was feeling awkward. Not awkward but was curious why I was after her?”

“I am your neighbour.”  I showed her my flat but she didn’t show that much attention. So, I remained silent. She was looking at me and I was scared of her. Then, I said, “I am sorry.” And I left the place. I wanted to turn back but couldn’t.

10

After that day, we used to see each other and I used to wave at her and she used to smile at me. I tried to have a conversation with her but she didn’t give that much attention to me.  After one week,  I came out of my home and was about to lock the door, I heard the voice towards me. In the beginning, I didn’t give that much attention but again I heard the voice. So, I turned back. When I turned back, Koena was there. I, then, went near to her.

“I am sorry for the last week. Will you drink a cup of coffee with me?”

I immediately said yes to her and I forgot that I had to go to the newspaper selling. I was in her flat. She requested me to sit on the sofa. She, then was in the kitchen and said, “What kind of coffee do you want to drink?”

“Milk coffee.” After a few minutes, she came with two cups of coffee. I thanked her. I was more than nervous.  I had no words to say, I felt like I was in the dream.  After a few minutes, she said, “Tell me something about you.”

I kept my cup on the table and said everything to her.  But I didn’t say that I came to Mumbai to meet her. I felt that this is not the right time to say. After this meeting, we started frequently. After we started meeting, I had stopped writing letters to her.

11

We have been meeting for three months. It was a fine Saturday and the time was 8:30 pm. More than that, I was drunk. I was drunk because I wanted to propose to her. I knocked on the door and she opened the door. She smiled and said, “Please, come in.”

I entered the flat. There was the novel in the bed. She used to read a book every day. Instead of the sofa, I was in her bed. She was shocked by my behaviour and said, “What has happened to you today?”

“Koena, I love you.”

“What?” She was more shocked. I went near to her and said, “ Yes, I love you, Koena. I came to Mumbai to meet you. After you in Bigg Boss, I became crazy about you and started dreaming about you. Moreover, I started watching your movies. The more I see you, the more I fell in love with you. My craziness started higher. To say the truth, I didn’t come to her for the study.  I came to her for you. The study was just an excuse.

I love you, Koena. I want you to be mine. Please accept my love and I promise I will make you happy.”

“What are you saying? I don’t love you. I consider you as a friend.”

I was closer to her. She tried to go back. When I was near to her, I said, ”Am I that bad?”

“It’s not about good or bad. I don’t see you in that way. I consider you as a friend only. I never gave you a hint that I love you. Moreover, we have an age gap.”

“Is that a problem?”

“You are not getting me. Why do you not understand me?” She pushed me.

“You do not understand me. I love you truly.”

We started arguing and we were trying to convince each other. We were stuck on our arguments. In the end, she slapped me and threw me out of her room. My ego was hurt and the whole night, I couldn’t sleep. Her slap was playing in my mind.

12

After this incident, I regularly knocked on the door but she never answered the knock. Every day, I used to knock on the door and used to do drama. She was frustrated. This continued for three weeks. After three weeks, she opened the door and she said, “Why are you disturbing me? Why are you not understanding me? What kind of madness is this?”

I entered the room and locked the door. I was near to her and she said, “What are you doing?”

“Love.”

We both were silent. She was nervous and was scared that I could do anything wrong. After a few minutes, I said, “I have to get you. To get you, I can do anything. I can kill anyone and die myself. So, tell me what should I do?”

Koena pushed me and said, “It’s not easy love forcefully. The love you are saying is craziness. It’s madness.”

“If it is madness, it is madness but you have to be mine. Only mine. I wouldn’t let anyone be yours.

In anger, I broke down the table lamp. She was more scared and she felt like what to say. We both were silent. I made the room mess. I was mad and I left the place.

13

I was dying to get her. So, I send her photos and wrote the letter. Later, she read the letter:-

“I know that you will be shocked to see the photos of yours. I took the photographs. I have more photos and videos which I enjoy seeing every day. If I don’t get you, I will destroy you.”

Unfortunately, the plan was to vanish. She complained about my madness and letters to the police and I was arrested and was kept in jail for more than a year. I wanted to take revenge on her. I was seeking for the love but she didn’t accept me. For me, the jail was like the hell and I had to work which was out of the box. The jail was torture for me. More than the physical torture, I was mentally tortured.