LOVE GIVES LIFE

I

The clock showed the time of 7:30 am. It was Saturday. He woke up later as today was a holiday.  He went downstairs to get milk. When he opened the door, he saw a girl lying on the floor. He was shocked to see a girl. He woke up her and took her inside the home. 

 

"Who are you? What are you doing here?"

"My name is Nisha.  I don't have any place to live and sleep. I sleep wherever I get. I don't have a job."

"Can I know your qualification?"

"Master's Degree in Nepali Literature."

Arman felt pity for her. He knew it's difficult to get a job in Nepal. And he said, "Ok. You can stay here. I will manage for you."

II

She was working and cleaning the room. He was observing her and said, “You must be tired. Come with me.”

He led her to the room and left her. She threw herself on the bed. She shut her eyes and endeavoured to forget this darkness of her life. She wondered whether this man would guide her, protect her or not, but she knew he wouldn't lead her to misery, and she could trust him.

She passed the night wretchedly. The morning was cold and her feet were aching. She rose from the bed and lay back in the big chair at the window in a kind of sweet languor watching the morning evade the dark night. She saw the people moving here and there, they seemed to be pushing and crushing each other in sheer darkness. She pitied them, she pitied herself, and she pitied the world.

The house was silent as she opened the door. There was no sign of him. She slowly entered his room and was delighted with the things in the room and was delighted with the things in the room. They filled with her with a sense of owing and wonder. He had such huge collections of books and she found something to read, the book which she had always wanted to read-'Sirisko Phul.'

He was surprised by the changes in the rooms when he returned back. Those little changes brought a placid smile on his face. There was something lively about it.

"Where have you been?" She asked.

"To Teach. I am a part-time teacher."

"You left so early. You must be hungry. I have cooked for you."

"Oh, have you? He asked with a surprise.

They ate in silence. There was no sound within the house. It was as though there was nothing to say, as though they were familiar with each other.

After the meat, he helped her clean the kitchen she asked if she could stay some more days and he agreed. But the days turned into a week and she was still living with him.

III

She sat at the window. One fine afternoon she was watching the clear blue sky. The birds were singing and she felt a rapture on the soft air. She watched the people with a strange fascination. Suddenly she was seized with the urge to go outdoors. It took such hold on her that she rushed out of the room as if she would die of suffocation and locked the door. And there she was in the open air. She breathed it and a smile broke over her face.

There was darkness and the cold wind started to blow from the west. She was walking back home with a new feeling, and today she loved the touch of the wind, and she wasn't afraid of the darkness. When she reached home, he was there, waiting outside with a sullen face, she quickly opened the door.

He tried to be calm and asked, "Where have you been?"

"You never told me that there was a park so near to our house," she said in an audacious voice.

"So you went to the park?" he asked angrily.

"What would you like to have for dinner?"

He grasped her arms and looked into her eyes. "That's not the answer of my question damn it." 

"Cannot you see that I am suffocating here? I needed some fresh air."

He grasped her arms more tightly and looked into her eyes. She was afraid of those looks. They seemed to pierce her soul. There were tears in her eyes, but she managed to smile and said, "Don't you think you are hurting me?"

He let her go and he heard her plaintive cry.

"You've filled my heart with disgust. Tomorrow the society will ask me about you. What am I supposed to say? Who are you? Where are you from? They will ask me questions of which I shall have no answers. They will call you a prostitute." 

Her heart dimly sank as she listened to him. She looked in his eyes. His eyes gave no sign of love and recognition. She saw herself naked in his eyes.

"And do you think that I am a prostitute?" She asked.

He didn't answer. He took his coat and went out of the room. She heard him bang the door. She kept on staring at the door. Perhaps she would never see him again. The beauty of the dream vanished and disgust filled her heart. Suddenly she felt a sort of suffocation as if the whole air was impure. The house which was warm and safe now seemed to be dull and she hated it. 

He had no idea, where he was heading to. He was moving ahead, but deep in his heart, he wanted to go back. He wanted to hold her and say he was sorry; he wanted to kiss her ears, her eyes, her lips, and her hands.  He hated himself for she suffered a grievous hurt. He searched for the glimpse of light in the dark and as if enlightened, he returned back.

"Nisha," he called. No answer. Fear and horror took hold of his heart. He searched every room and he knew he had let her go. Tears filled his eyes and he saw a letter on the table.

"Darkness, hatred, disgust, fear had taken hold of my life until I was on your door. I told myself that finally, I am in safe hands and in a light. And yet I was haunted by the past. Every day I ask for a moment of peace, for a moment of forgetfulness, but the shadows of the past haunted me day and night. But today I realized that hatred, fear, darkness, they were only in my mind, not with my heart and soul. Today I saw the beauty of life and the beauty of love. I saw the children play in the park today; they seemed to love their life and yet didn't know what life was. From them, I learned to have a child-like faith. As I saw a young couple, completely lost in their own world, you came in my mind and in my heart. Then an old woman came over to me and asked if I could get her something to eat. What could I give her? But like a miracle, I had a coin in my pocket. She took it with a smile. Her face was wrinkled, she was so thin, and yet so lively. From her, I learned I could still enjoy my life because I am alive. I came home with that beauty, but you didn't see it.  I thought you'd guide me, and you did, but maybe it was an illusion, and maybe I was expecting too much from you.

By the time you reach home, I will be gone. And don't think I will not be able to live on my own. Now l has the courage to live, I have the courage to evade the darkness and give justice to my life."

                                                                                             Yours Nisha