ONE SIDED LOVE

Everyday City FM used to present ‘Celebrities Story’ at 8:00-10:00pm. And it was December, 25, 2016. Celebrity was Sumit Ojha who was a famous writer. He had written two novels: ‘In Search of Answer’ and ‘Mistakes of My Life.’ After the success of these novels, he was planning to write another novel. Among those novels, ‘In Search of Answer,’ was one of the bestselling books in the year 2014.

Most of the readers think that his writing was similar to Chetan Bhagat and he admits it too. More than these writing skills, most of the readers have preferred him to write and share his own love story. He was confused about whether he should write his own story or not.

The clock showed the time of 8:00 pm. Most of the listeners were turning to City FM. The listeners were curious to know about Sumit Ojha.  Then, the listeners heard the voice of Sumit.

“Hello and Namaste to all of my listeners and readers. It’s me your writer Sumit Ojha. Welcome to you all in the programme named ‘Celebrities Story.’ You are tune into City FM. You will be hearing till 10 pm.

As most of the readers ask me whether I have planned to write my own love story or not. I have thought for it and finally, it’s in the publication house. So, I am telling you my love story. I hope you will like it and you will buy my book.  The novel will be released after two months.”

I

“We cannot stay any longer in this relationship. I am fed up with you. I am not happy with this relationship.  I am bored with you. You don’t interest me anymore. I don’t know how this relationship lasted for six years.”  Simi said.

“Even I am frustrated with this relationship. I don’t find you interesting. Instead of me, you are irritating. Every time you are commanding and demanding.  I don’t understand your characteristic. During those six years, I tolerated you. Now, even I want to end this relationship. I cannot handle you and your characteristic.”

We couldn’t stand each other. We broke up. This was not the first time, we broke up. During those six years, we have broken our relationship more than 12 times. When we patch up and when we end our relationship, nobody can answer.

I was fed up with my life. I wasn’t able to concentrate on my writing skills. After two novels, I was trying to concentrate on writing but I wasn’t getting any idea. After the breakup, I wasn't focused on anywhere. Whenever I try to write, I felt like I am empty.  I started smoking much.

When I couldn’t concentrate on my writing, I logged in Facebook. I looked who is online. When I was looking who are online, my eyes caught in the name of Soniya.  Soniya was the friend of my ex-friend. We have met before.

When I saw her online, I send her message.

“Hi.”

There was no response. Again, I send her message.

“Hi. How are you?”

Still, there was no response from her. I was waiting for her response. I was furious why she was not responding to my message. I became impatient. For the first time in my life, I was impatient. I didn’t know the reason why I was impatient. The whole night, I was sleepless. I was checking whether she was online or not. This continued for a week.

After a week, I was happy. It was Saturday. The clock showed the time of 9:30 pm. I was feeling sleepy. Before I went for the bed, I logged in the Facebook whether Soniya was online or not. Finally, I saw her online. I was excited and I send her a message.

“Hi.”

“Hi.”

She was quick to send a message. Again, I send her message.

“Hi. How are you doing?”

“Good. How about you?”

“Going on. I must say sorry to you.”

“Why?”

“I am sending you a message at this time.”

“Then, stop sending me a message.”

“Why are you saying like that?”

“Why are you saying like that?”

“Cannot I send a message to my friend?”

“You stayed first.”

She became offline after this message.  I felt guilty. So, I again send her message. “Sorry, Soniya. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I didn’t get any friends to talk to me so I started chatting with you. I want to be a good friend of yours. Nothing else. I am sorry. Please, forgive me.”

After sending this message, there was a kind of relief and I went for the bed.

The next day, I was about to write, I again logged in Facebook. I was concentrated on Soniya rather than writing.  I checked in the message. I saw the message of Soniya. I was excited and started reading the message.

“I am not hurt or angry. It’s that you were behaving like a childish. Nothing like that.”

I was happy that she responded me. After this message, we often chatted and met in different places. With the time elapse, I fell for her. I found changes in myself. I never felt different before but after meeting Soniya, I found positive vibes. Moreover, I felt excited to meet her every day. I forgot that I was a writer and should focus on writing. I was lost in her. 

II

“Hey, Soniya.  I want to say something.”

“Say but don’t say that you love me.”

I came to meet her in the Universal Café to say those magical words. But when she said not to say those magical words, I was astonished.

“Why did you say that?”

“It’s because I am not single.” She said and ate her last piece of mo: mo.

“Who is that lucky person?”

“You will know soon.”

I stopped eating remaining mo: mo. I was somehow hurt. I was restless. What should I say now? Was she joking? No, she wasn’t. She was serious. Her face shows that. Meanwhile, she said, “You were supposed to say something, right?”

Obviously, I came here to propose her. After knowing the truth, how can I propose her? But I decided to tell about my feelings so that I can feel relief.

“Where are you lost? Which world are you?”

“Actually, to be honest, I started liking you but I didn’t know you have a boyfriend.”

“What?” She was shocked.

The environment was pin-drop silent. We both looked here and there. We looked at each other for a while.  She didn’t find the right words. I was waiting for her to speak.

Finally, she broke the silence and said, “Look, I consider you as a good friend. I didn’t see you in that way. Before I met you, I was already in the relationship. I cannot accept your love. Sorry.”

I was mute. I couldn’t hear the negative answer so I left the place. She was looking at me.

III

I was trying hard to convince her to fall with me but I failed. I tried my best to impress her. It didn’t work either. Once I asked how her boyfriend was. She found the question weird and questioned me back why did I ask such a question. I answered honestly that I want to do same as her boyfriend does. She was irritated with me. After this incident, she never insisted to call me and never received my calls.

I was lost in her world. Every day, she came in my thoughts. It wasn’t any day that she wasn’t in my thoughts. I was freaking.  More than freaking, I was despondent. I lost hopes that I shall never make her mine.

After two weeks, I got a call from Soniya. I was thrilled to receive her call. So, I press on a green button.

“Hello,” Soniya said.

“Hello. How are you?” I responded.

“Good. I wanted to invite you to my marriage ceremony which will be held next week. I hope you will come.”

I was dumbstruck. When she said about her marriage, I was inarticulate.

“Hello, hello,” she said continuously.

“Are you there?” She said again.

I was lost in such a manner that I didn’t know when she disconnected the phone.  I was dreaming to make her mine, only mine. Now, how can I see her with another guy? Almost for a week, I was not in the real world.  I thought my luck was joking but it wasn’t.  Later, after two days, I called her and informed that I won’t be able to attend her marriage ceremony as I was flying to Thailand. She easily agreed. She didn’t insist me to join her marriage ceremony. Somehow I was expecting her to insist me to join the ceremony. It failed.

IV

It was 7:30 am in the morning. The day was Saturday, July 8, 2018. I was on the Tribhuwan International Airport whereas Soniya was in her function. The time for the flight was 9:30 am. Although I was in the airport, my full concentration was on her.  Soniya’s boyfriend was lucky to get her as his wife. I couldn’t see her getting married. Even thinking about it was intolerable for me. So, I wanted to forget her.

After two days of arrival of Thailand, I was in one of the beaches. It was the daytime and the weather was too hot. I was reading “The Book Thief.” I didn’t bother about my surrounding. I was focused on reading the novel. Meanwhile, I heard someone’s voice.

“Hi.” I didn’t bother to listen.

“Hi.” Again the same voice said. I kept the bookmark and turned around. I saw the beautiful lady. She had such an attractive smile. I was focused on her. Again, she said, “Hey.” She waved her hand.

“Hi,” I said.

“I have seen you somewhere. Your face looks familiar.”

“You might have seen me. After all, the world is too small.” I didn’t want to introduce her as a writer.

“Are you a writer?”

“Yes.”

“Which books have you written so far?”

“In Search of Answer,” and “Mistakes of My Life.”

“Oh, My God.” She was excited as well as shocked.

“I have read your novel ‘In Search of Answer.’  I loved the novel. I became your fan. The novel touched my heart. The novel made think that whether it is based on the true events or not?”

“Thank You for your compliment. Yes, somehow it is based on true events. It’s based on my observation.”

We chatted for almost two hours. While having a conversation, I came to know her name. Her name was Kusum Pandey. She has been living in Thailand for five years. She had clothes business.

Before leaving, we exchanged our numbers. After this unknown meet up, we started meeting frequently. 

V

We both were looking at each other’s face. We were lying on the bed. By looking at me, she said, “Have you ever loved anyone in your life?”

I remained silent. I turned another side. To forget Soniya, I came to Thailand. And to forget Soniya, I was using Kusum. I was betraying Kusum for my own selfish. Now, I don’t have an answer. What shall I tell her? Although I had a physical relationship, I didn’t have pleasure or enjoy it. I wished to be with Soniya.

I turned back. I looked at her. She was waiting for my response.

“No. I had never anyone.” I lied to her.

“What?” She was amazed.

“Are you single?” She said again.

“Yes, very much single. And how about you?”

“No, I had never loved anyone.” She repeated what I had said.

“Are you teasing me?”

“No. I am not teasing you. It’s the truth that I had never loved anyone.”

“Are you single?” I said.

She nodded and we both smiled. We both kissed each other.

After a week, we both were sitting at the restaurant. It was evening time. We were drinking coffee. After a few sips, she said, “I want to say something.”

“Say.”

“I Love You.”

I kept my cup of coffee in the table. I was in the same situation as before. The difference was the place and person. I have no feelings for her. It was a difficult situation for me. Neither I can tell her truth nor can I deny her proposal. 

“I will come in a few minutes.”

She agreed. I was in the washroom. I looked at the mirror. I felt anxiety. What should I do? I felt awkward too. It was already 20 minutes. I was a dilemma.  And finally, I decided what to say and came out from the washroom.

She was waiting for me. I went near to her and said, “Sorry for being late.”

“That’s fine.”

“Kusum, I love you too.” She was happy and hugged me.  After this proposal, we frequently met. We started hanging out. We were together everywhere.

VI

“Let’s get married, Sumit.” Kusum said.

I was dumbstruck. I didn’t admit this could come in my life. I wanted to play with her. I didn’t want to get married. I wanted to escape from her.

“Hey, what has happened? Where are you lost? It seems you don’t get married?”

“No, no. It’s not like that. I want to get married to you. It’s just that you said early.”

I didn’t know why I said I wanted to marry her. I wanted to communicate with her in a proper way and say everything to her but couldn’t express. What was happening I couldn’t get.

On the other hand, she was jovial and hugged me and said, “I will talk with my family and fix the date.”

I agreed. Although I pretended that I agreed but wasn’t.

                                     VII

I was stuck on Facebook. It has been two months that I was looking at the photos of Soniya. I didn’t see any photos any wedding photos of Soniya. She used to update the photos of each event but not of weddings. On the one hand, I was shocked at why she didn’t update the photos. On the other hand, I felt she didn’t want to update photos. I wanted to send the message but thought she might be upset. So, I didn’t send her message. Meanwhile, Kusum rang me on the mobile. I clicked the green button.

“Hi,” I said.

“Hi. How are you doing? Miss me?”

“Good. I am missing you. Do you miss me?”

“Actually, yes.”

The environment became silent. I was  focus on Soniya rather than Kusum’s conversation. 

Kusum broke the silence and said, “There is good news.”

“What’s that?”

“Our marriage date is fixed.”

“When?” I was surprised. 

“Next week.”

“Next week?” I was stunned.

“Why are you so stunned?”

“Just.”

VIII

September 8, 2018, the big day of my life. The wedding time was at 5:30 pm. Although Kusum was happy, I wasn’t. She didn’t know my intention.

The clock showed the time of 3:30 pm. I wasn’t ready for the marriage. So, I visited Kusum’s place by hiding my face. I managed to reach Kusum’s room. I went inside through the window. I knew that Kusum prefers opening windows as she liked open windows. Luckily, there was nobody in the room. I have an entry into the room. On the left hand, there was a table. I kept the letter and left the place. Fortunately, nobody saw me and I didn’t prefer to look back.

I reached my room. I had already packed my clothes and had bought tickets for Nepal. The flight time was 6:00 pm. So, I reached at 4:00 pm. I was looking at my watch all the time. I became imperativeness for the flight.

The time showed 5:30 pm. It was the time for the marriage of mine and Kusum. I didn’t know whether she read the letter which mentioned:-

Dear Kusum,

                   I am really sorry. I have betrayed you. I have never loved you. I was never interested in you. Every time I cheated you. I gave punishment to you and myself.

 Actually, I loved someone but she doesn’t love me back. She got married so I came to Thailand to forget her. When I came to Thailand, I thought I could forget her. I met you here in Thailand. We had a relationship but more than me, you were serious. Although I had a relationship with you, my heart and mind were occupied with her. Whenever I kissed you, I thought I was kissing her. Whenever I was in the physical relationship with you, I thought I was with you.

When you propose me, I was freaking out. Although I wanted to say, I couldn’t. I wanted to say no when the date fixed for marriage. Sorry, Kusum. I was not interested in you. I used to forget my past. I was selfish. I played with you and your emotions. You loved me from the bottom of your heart but I didn’t.

I am sorry. I will not ask for forgiveness. But I hope for your happiness.

                                                                                        Regards,

                                                                                                          Sumit Ojha

Finally, the time showed 6:00 pm. I was already on the plane. I was not feeling guilty but felt sorry for her. I am unaware what’s happening going on Kusum’s place. I don’t even prefer to know.  I will be back to Nepal and will try to connect with Soniya.