MY FIRST CRUSH

I was never serious about my life, study and relationship. Many people convinced me to be very serious but I never took it for granted. I used to spend most of the times with my friends and by going to discos, pubs, and cinema halls. Everyone has stopped thinking about me because of my character and behaviour.

As usual one day I went home very lately. Everyone was very enraged with me. Father said, "As a father what I can permit from you, son. I thought you could handle my business, you could do in studies but you did not. What can I say? I have stopped thinking of you. I am proud that you are a bad boy. In your life you can't do anything which makes people happy and proud."

However, as usual, I never took his words very gravely. Besides that, I was never happy with my family and satisfied sitting in the house. I was very happy only with my friends, making fun of my classmate and teachers that used to pleasure me. Drinking wine and smoking used to relax me.

I had much relationship with many girls because I never believe in love and relationship. For me they were waste of time and I believe if you are in love and in relationship, you are sure obviously, you shall face many problems and you will be betrayed.

I used to hear people saying about love and relationship that I exhausted from them. I was not worried about anything. I used to think that I was one of the fortunate people because I had everything that I wanted.

In a flash, I saw charming girl. I tried to speak with her, but she went very quickly so I could not converse with her. Every day I met her but I could not speak. I tried to speak but I did not have power to go in front of her.

One day, while walking on the road I dashed with a girl. When I turned, it was a same girl. I was very shocked by looking at her. I saw good-looking face, shiny eyes, cherry lips and glittering hair. She said-"Sorry, I am very sorry." In addition, she ran very quickly. I sat there with shocked face.  One of my friends slapped me and I was in original place.

At night time, I just came out from home and looked at the sunset. I remembered the same girl. I did not know what has happened to me. In dream, I just saw her and all of a sudden, I woke up.

I said to myself-"What has happen to me? Why I see her face? Who is she? Even I do not know anything about her. I don't have any relationship with her."

Next day, I went to the same place.  I waited there to meet with her. After few seconds, I saw her. I tried to speak with her and went nearer and nearer to her. When I went nearer to her, I just looked at her and could not speak. I had never seen such a pretty lady. When I looked at her eyes, I found a lot of love hidden for someone whom I did not know, perhaps it was me. I was very scared and could not speak.  Moreover, she went, where I do not know.  Perhaps home, I thought. 

Every day I used to hide and looked at her. I could not go in front of her because I did not have that much power to speak with her. Every day she used to go with her friends. When she smiles, she looks very cute like a child.  I was dying to speak with her and in her beauty. I was dreamy about her everyday and thinking about her.

In a moment, I was changed. I did not comprehend how it takes place.  After seen her, I started taking everything critically. I quit up smoking and stopped drinking. I truly began to study and began to do work. Even I did not believe I was change.

Sometimes, she used to dash with me and falls down. Moreover, I used to catch her. I used to see and said-''Hi, I am Sonar. "I am sorry.'' She said.  She again ran away. Today, even I did not get opportunity to speak with her very properly. I was very curious to speak with her but could not because I was very scared and did not have that much power to speak and tell about myself and asked about her. I tried to her friend but could not. One day, I took her photo by hiding. Every day I used to see her photo and get excited by looking at her photo.

Next day, I planned to talk with her and went nearer to her. I was about to say something but her friend called her and she went.  Also naturally, smile came in my face because I knew her name. Her name was Ameeta. I said to me, “Good name, Ameeta." Moreover, I went to my way.

I was very happy. Looking at sky, it seems so beautiful. Millions of stars shinning and full moon, and raining. The weather seems very cool. I was remembering her and looking at shinning stars, I remember her eyes. I could find everything very interesting and beautiful.

In a dream, we were having very nice day. I took her in a beach had a candle light dinner. She was very excited and said" I shall never forget this day because you had given me such a beautiful moment.”

Every day I used to hide and look at her. When I used to see her, I feel that I am very lucky to love and like her. One day, I asked to her friend about her and where she works. Her friend told she works in television.

After meeting and seen her, I knew what love and life is. She was one who brought smile in my face and showed the world. She made everything beautiful and interesting in my life.

Each time I tried to be her friend I could not because firstly, I was scared and next thing was she used to run very quickly. From far, I could see her face and get satisfied by looking her face.

In dream, she came and became good friend of mine. I used to talk a lot and she used to listen. She used to speak very less. She said'' You are very funny, talkative and very interesting man. How could you know many things, ha? Please tell me."

I said,”If there is beautiful girl standing in front of you, people know many interesting thing. Now got it." We both laughed and she just smiled.  Nevertheless, it was just a dream. In reality, it was impossible for me because I never ever spoke with her. I was feeling hesitate to go in front her. I tried to meet her could not have that capacity to go. I went in her house, even in office. But could not.

Looking at the sunset every day, I used to remember her. Moreover, I could be a poet because she made me a poet. Every time I had made a poem in remembrances of her.

Every day, she used to come in my dream and she used to smile and talk with me. I was very happy. We were dancing near the beach and she said, “You dance very nice. Where did you learn from?'' I said, ‘God Gifted." She said,'' God has given you very nice gift with a nice character."  I said,” Can I ask you one question?” I was very nervous. She said," You can but do not ask rubbish question.'' I said, “Do you think am I a good person?"  She said," Is this a good question to ask?'' I was about to ask a question, “Will you marry me?” My sister woke up me. She said,'' You dream a lot nowadays and you lost where as if you are in another planet. Whatever it is already 10 am and you had missed the college. Get out from the bed and get ready otherwise father will be angry.”

After getting ready, I thought to myself even in dream I am unable to share my feeling and thoughts. Even I am unable to know how she feels about me. I want to express how much do I care about her and love her. I want to tell her that without her, how I suppose to leave. Without looking at her, I couldn’t get satisfied. Each time there was a heartbeat. Beating so faster and faster. I will be one of the luckiest and happiest if I get her.  Nevertheless, in reality I am not one of luckiest and happiest because I do not know what is in her heart. Even I do not know whether she likes me or not. I think she hates me.

I hope I shall be unable to speak with her and without meeting her, I shall die. Every day I meet her and see her. If God ask me, what I want? I could say I want her friendship and in her heart love for me. She could also love me, only me not others. She could only pray for me. Nothing than these things. I want her to love me and want me more than me.

I tried to give her a letter but could not by thinking that what shall she think about me, instead of dealing with a good ways, if she slaps me. Therefore, I did not give. I turned that letter. 

Nevertheless, I do not want to keep my things and feeling inside my heart. I was searching for that opportunity but I think I am not getting that chance. I am hoping also and not hoping too.

I pray to God that please let us meet and share our thoughts. I want to meet her and express my thoughts and how do I feel. At least I want to talk and how I feel about her and say nice words about her. I wish God will listen my pray.

Now I knew why people believe in relationship and trust each other. Now I knew why people believe in love. Now I knew how to make my life very beautiful. When someone comes in your life, you began cheerful and gets excites to do something. You will not have passionate to wait for anything-especially the loved person whom you loved. One day, I shall meet her it is my hope.

I used to go to see her everyday then only I used to go to my college. I did excellent in the college and became one of the best students in the college. My parents and everyone were very happy. At first, my parents did not believe me but later on, they found change on me.

Moreover, I had a dream. In dream, she was looking so beautiful. We were in a beach and she was running and cached her and I said,'' Today you look so gorgeous like a red rose. Wherever people see red rose, they give the impression of its beauty. In the same way, people shall be muffled by looking at you and they shall give good impression about your beauty. I think I am the auspicious man to get you because whoever is your comrade and beyond they are very propitious and they shall be very pleased.'' She said, “You love me so much that I cannot believe. Wherever you meet me, you always talk about me. Please don’t not love so much. If I leave you then…...'' I close her mouth and said,'' Do not talk about leaving me because I have only you in this world.  Just talk about we two because this night is so romantic and cool. Will you dance with me?'' Moreover, we both were having very lovely day.

It was such a lovely dream I had ever had. But I don't know whether I shall be able to speak with or not. Every day was a new day for me because of her. I was very interested to meet her and see her.

It had been many days that I haven't seen her. But later I knew that she got married and I was unable to handle this matter.