WHY WE SAY ‘I FORGOT’ INSTEAD OF ‘I DIDN’T WANT TO’

 

In everyday Nepali conversations, the phrase “I forgot” often replaces what might more honestly be expressed as “I didn’t want to.” This subtle shift is not merely about memory lapses or genuine forgetfulness. Rather, it is a linguistic cushion—a polite, socially acceptable way to avoid admitting reluctance, disinterest, or outright refusal. Saying “I forgot” allows people to sidestep potential discomfort, preserve harmony, and save face in a culture that values respect and indirectness over bluntness.

Nepalese society often encourages smooth interpersonal relationships, where overt conflict or disagreement can be seen as disruptive or disrespectful, especially in hierarchical settings like family, work, or community. To say “I didn’t want to” can feel too direct, too confrontational, or even hurtful. It implies intention, which can invite judgment or hurt feelings. Saying “I forgot,” on the other hand, suggests accident rather than choice. It shifts responsibility away from the person’s desires to a simple lapse, something understandable and forgivable.

This phrase also reflects the deep cultural emphasis on maintaining social bonds. Relationships in Nepal are often layered with obligations, expectations, and a delicate balance of give and take. When someone declines an invitation, avoids a task, or sidesteps a commitment by saying “I forgot,” they are indirectly preserving that relationship without the risk of alienation. It is a way of saying “I’m sorry” without having to explain or justify deeper feelings.

Of course, this habit is not unique to Nepal, but it resonates strongly within Nepali culture because of the collective emphasis on harmony and non-confrontation. “I forgot” becomes a socially graceful excuse that avoids the messiness of admitting personal preference or boundaries. It’s a phrase that smooths over tension and prevents the awkwardness of direct refusal.

But this linguistic politeness can come at a cost. When “I forgot” is used repeatedly, it may blur communication and breed misunderstanding. People may wonder if the forgetter truly forgot or if they are avoiding something. It can lead to frustration or mistrust when intentions remain unclear. Over time, it also makes it harder for individuals to express their true feelings honestly, creating a cycle of half-truths and silent resentments.

Yet, the use of “I forgot” reveals something fundamental about Nepali communication: a preference for gentleness, for avoiding direct confrontation, and for valuing relationships above rigid honesty. It shows how language shapes not just what we say, but how we relate to each other—often choosing kindness, even at the expense of complete transparency.

In a world that increasingly values straightforwardness, learning when to say “I forgot” and when to say “I didn’t want to” is a delicate art. Perhaps the challenge lies in balancing honesty with empathy, and directness with respect—allowing space for genuine boundaries while preserving the warmth that defines Nepali social life.

Until then, “I forgot” will remain a soft shield, a common refuge, and a quiet testimony to the complexity of human connection in Nepal.