SHORT TERM LOVE

I

Everyone was searching their name on the notice board. I came in the rush ad reached Kantipur City College (KCC), Putalisadak to see my name for the Master’s Degree for Master Degree in Journalism. I knew that I didn’t do well on the Entrance Exam.  Although I wasn’t prepared for the exam, I hoped for the best.

When I reached the college, I searched my name. My name was at the last with less number. Although I passed the exam, my eyes were stuck at the topper. His name was Utsav Poudel. I was curious to meet him.  He was not at the college. Whole day and night, I was thinking who might be Utsav Poudel who was the topper.

At the orientation class too, my eyes were searching for him. He wasn’t present at the orientation. I was dying to see who the guy was. I started to imagine the picture of him. On my mind, he was the tall, handsome and fair face. He might be a little bit longer hair. He must have a good bike. I started getting lost in the world of Utsav.

After an orientation class, I wasn’t able to attend the class for a week because I had a viva of Bachelor’s Degree’s last semester. Before giving an entrance exam, I saw the advertisement that waiting student of Bachelor Degree can give entrance. So, without preparation, I gave the exam.

After the completion of viva, I went to the college. The college started at 6:30 am, so I rushed to the college. It was the first day of the college. When I entered the class, there was nobody.  I was already late, I rushed to the department of MAMCJ.  My teacher helped me and took me in the computer lab. The entire students were in the computer lab. I sat nearby computer. A teacher was teaching about the web designing. I was not focusing on the teacher.  My eyes were focus who was Utsav Poudel. I couldn’t figure out who was Utsav Poudel.

Finally, after the two weeks, the day came. I was sitting on the back bench. A teacher was calling out the names of the students for the attendance. I was carefully listening to the names especially Utsav’s name.

When Utsav was called, I was attentive. When he said yes, I observed him. When I saw him, he didn’t meet my expectation. He wasn’t that kind of the person that I imagined. He was not that handsome, tall and fair. Although I was disappointed by looks, in my heart the love had already blossomed. Although he was not handsome, there was something about him.

Slowly and steadily, we started growing a friendship with him. He was studious and we used to share novels and discuss it. The more we used to share novels, we became closer. We became good friends. More than that, we often go together as our homes were near.

II

The first semester was over. We decided to organize a picnic so that we can know or friends well.  And on this day, I decided to propose to him. So, I wrote a letter.

We met at a picnic spot ‘Dhulikhel.’ There were two girls presented at a picnic. I was waiting for him. My heart was beating faster and I was anxious. What will be the reaction of Utsav? If he rejected me?  This negative thought came to my mind. But later I thought that I will know what he thinks about me.

At Dhulikhel, all of us singing and dancing but I was focused on him. When everyone was singing n dancing, I kept the letter in his bag.

I don’t know what will be his reaction but I didn’t feel guilty for expressing my thoughts. I felt relief after keeping the letter. I was waiting for the response.

At 8:00 pm, I reached home and was waiting for the response. The whole night, I was waiting for the response. For many days, I waited for the response. When I didn’t get the response, I send him a message.

Me: Hi

Utsav: Hi

He immediately responded to my message.

Me: How are you? How is your holiday going on?

Utsav: Good and you? My holiday is going on. I came back to Kathmandu.

Me: Good.

I was silent. I wanted to know his response.

Me: Actually, I wanted to know that whether you read my letter or not.

I was scared. I felt whether I did right or wrong.

Utsav: Yes

Me: So, I didn’t get a response.

There was silence. He didn’t respond for 10 minutes. After 10 minutes, he responded to me.

Utsav: Actually, I like you. But you are two years older than me. Our parents won’t accept us because of our age.

Me: Age doesn’t matter. Love matters. According to time, parents will accept us.

I was trying to convince him. It took me a long time to convince him. Finally, after a long time, he was convinced and he said yes to my love.

III

“Hey, what happened? Why did you get up?” Utsav said.

I didn’t say anything and went to the bathroom. He remained silent. He started searching for his clothes. The whole night, we both were at Utsav’s friend apartment which was located at Chapeli Height.

When he was searching for his clothes, I came out of the bathroom. He pulled me at the bed. This day was special for me. We had such a romance. Most of the time, we used to come to an apartment and were in the physical relationship. It was beautiful to be in a relationship.

“Why are you feeling so shy today?”

I didn’t say anything. Yes, today I was feeling shy as well as nervous. I didn’t know why. I turned on the other side.

He further said, “What happened to you today? Are you alright?”

I turned on his side. “No, I am not feeling shy. I am alright It’s just I am feeling awkward.”

“Did I make you awkward?”

“No. But since the morning, I was feeling different and comfortable.”

“Did anyone say anything?”

“No.”

“Then, don’t feel awkward.”

Then, I felt relaxed after talking to him. After a few hours, we left the place. Before leaving the flat, Utsav said, “Look, I want to say something to you but I couldn’t.”

“Say. Don’t hesitate to say.”

“I don’t want to anyone to know about our relationship. When the right time comes, we will share with our friends and relatives.”

I smiled and agreed with him. I also preferred not to say anything about our relationship.

IV

It was Friday. We were in the class. It was the last period. I was curious to talk with Utsav. While I was in the class, I messaged him.

Me:  Please, meet me after the class. I need to talk to you. It’s urgent.

Utsav: Ok

Then, we both looked at each other.  I was worried. I was worried. I had a fear that how would I going to talk to him.

After 9:30 am, the class was over. All of them went into the canteen. We went outside.

“What do you want to say?”

“Actually……”

I was feeling nervous. What will be his reaction, when he shall know the truth?

“Say what you want to say. Why are you feeling anxious?”

“Actually, I am pregnant with your child.”

He was shocked and said, “What? When and how?”

She remained silent. He was observing her.

“Didn’t you take a precaution? I don’t want this child.”

“What? Don’t you want the child?”

“No. Look, I am not serious about this relationship. Then, why did you accept my love? You wanted to play with me.”

“You were the one who was after me, not me. Yes, I wanted to play with you.”

I was heartbroken. Tears fell from my eyes. I was speechless. He, further added, “If you didn’t abort this child, my life and career will be destroyed. I cannot marry me. Furthermore, please, forget about our relationship and move ahead. It will be good for both of us.”

I tried a lot to convince him but he wasn’t convinced. Without listening to me, he went from the place. I was worried about myself. I didn’t accept this in my life.

I tried a lot to contact him but I failed. He wasn’t listening to me. In the college too, he didn’t prefer listening to me. He ignored me.  I was broken. I was depressed. I decide to commit suicide but couldn’t. I didn’t find anyone to talk to me.

V

After the heartbroken, I didn’t attend many classes. I switched off my mobile. I was lost in my own world. So, I aborted the child and moved ahead. I knew the child didn’t have any fault but I couldn’t live my life is depressing. I wanted to live my life. I wanted a person who would understand me. Utsav wasn’t the right person for me. Although he was the topper for college, he wasn’t topper for me. After many days, I joined the college. We both don’t prefer talking to each other. I didn’t prefer giving punishment to him. I knew that one day; he will be punished for this. After this incident, one thing I learned was not to trust anyone easily.  Do not run after the topper. Topper is the one who understands you and loves you from the bottom of the heart. Topper is not one who tops in the exam.