WHEN 'IT’S OKAY' MEANS 'IT’S NOT OKAY': THE CULTURE OF AVOIDING CONFRONTATION

In Nepali conversations, a phrase as simple as “ठीक छ” (It’s okay) can carry a world of meaning—often the opposite of what it says. We say it quickly, with a smile or a nod, but beneath that polite surface, a storm may be brewing. “It’s okay” frequently serves as a mask, a shield against confrontation, and a way to preserve harmony even when things are decidedly not okay.

This cultural tendency to avoid direct conflict is deeply rooted in social norms that value respect, hierarchy, and community cohesion. Open disagreement can feel uncomfortable or even disrespectful, especially with elders or authority figures. So instead of saying what we truly feel, we soften our words, choosing phrases that maintain peace but obscure true emotions.

When someone says “It’s okay” in response to a hurtful comment, a broken promise, or an overlooked responsibility, they are often engaging in emotional masking. It’s a way to protect relationships by avoiding escalation. Behind the words lies a silent “I’m hurt,” “I’m disappointed,” or “I don’t want to argue.” But expressing these feelings openly can risk embarrassment, shame, or division, so we tuck them away under a polite phrase.

This culture of avoidance has its costs. Bottled-up emotions can fester, leading to passive resentment and miscommunication. The polite “It’s okay” may delay necessary conversations or solutions, making problems harder to resolve. Yet, it also reflects a nuanced social intelligence—an understanding that sometimes preserving the relationship is more important than airing grievances.

Navigating this requires reading between the lines: noticing the hesitation behind the phrase, the tone that doesn’t quite match the words, or the lingering silence afterward. It calls for empathy and patience, recognizing that “It’s okay” may be a plea for understanding rather than acceptance.

In a rapidly changing Nepal, where generations and cultures intersect, there’s growing space for more open dialogue. But even as we learn to speak more honestly, the traditional “It’s okay” remains a vital social tool—a reminder that politeness often serves as emotional armor.

So next time you hear “It’s okay,” pause. Listen closely. Because sometimes, those two words mean everything but okay—and understanding that is the first step toward true connection.