DO WE GREET PEOPLE OUT OF KINDNESS OR OBLIGATION?

"Good morning!"
"How are you?"
"Hey—how’s it going?"

We toss out greetings dozens of times a day—at work, on the sidewalk, in emails, even over the phone before launching into what we really want to say. But behind these small social rituals lies a subtle question: Do we greet each other out of genuine kindness, or because we feel we have to?

At first glance, greetings seem like a harmless, even pleasant part of daily life. They’re a form of social glue, a signal of respect, a way to acknowledge one another’s presence. But anyone who's ever robotically muttered “How are you?” while walking past someone without waiting for an answer knows that not all greetings come from a place of sincerity.

Some are automatic. Some are strategic. And some are pure performance.

In cultures that value friendliness and community, greetings are often seen as a baseline social courtesy. But in practice, especially in fast-paced urban environments or transactional work settings, greetings can lose their warmth and become routine. We say hello not because we’re feeling friendly—but because not saying hello feels rude, awkward, or socially risky.

There’s a certain irony in that. We greet people to seem polite, but sometimes the greeting is so empty that it feels more alienating than warm. We say “How are you?” as a reflex, not a question. And if someone answers honestly, they might be seen as over-sharing or off-script.

This tension between kindness and obligation reflects a deeper issue in how we navigate modern social interactions. We’re taught to be polite, but rarely to be present. We value efficiency, not depth. In a world flooded with instant messages and endless notifications, a simple "Hello" has the potential to connect—but only when we mean it.

So should we stop greeting people if we don’t feel like it? Not necessarily. Politeness has value. Social rituals matter. But maybe it’s time we become a little more intentional with them.

Instead of asking “How are you?” when we don’t care to know, what if we offered a smile, a wave, or just said “Nice to see you”? What if, instead of fearing awkwardness, we learned to tolerate moments of genuine silence or real connection?

The answer to whether greetings come from kindness or obligation isn’t always clear-cut. Often, it's a mix of both. But we do have the power to shift that balance—one conscious “Hello” at a time.

Because in the end, a small act done with presence can mean more than a hundred done by habit.