THERE IS NO SECOND CHANCE OF EXPRESSING LOVE
After eight years, there was re-union of school friends in Sherpa Mall, Durbar Marg. All of the friends were happy to see each other. It had been almost eight years, they haven't seen and met each other. All of them were happy. They started sharing happiness and sadness. Among the friends, Ankita was remaining silent and was giving listening to her friends.
Everyone was asking about the present relationship status. Most of them very supposed to get married and some of them were in the relationship. But Ankita had different story. Her friends started asking about her relationship status. At first, she was silent. All of her friends insisted her to tell her story and finally agreed to tell her story.
"Ten years ago, we met in book exhibition in Bhrikuti Mandap."
"What? You were already in relationship in the school time and didn't let us know," said Ash.
"Listen her first," said another friend Pavitra.
"OK."
"It was book exhibition. Our school also took us in the book exhibition in Bhrikuti Mandap in 2002. In that exhibition different students were present. There I saw him.
"Hello," he said.
"Hi," I said.
"Which school do you belong to?"
"Unique Boarding High School and you?"
"Siddhartha."
Meanwhile, representative teachers called us and went from there.
After three years......
I joined the college for Bachelor's Degree in journalism. In the college, I met him. After one week of the college opening, I saw one student. At first, I looked at him and I was confused whether I have seen him before or not. He also started looking at me but we never got opportunity to talk about this matter.
It was Friday and it was raining badly. I was about to go and saw him. He didn't bring his umbrella. I approached him to use my umbrella till the bus stop. Till our bus stop, we didn't speak out. We were feeling uncomfortable. We looked each other and smiled. This continued for many days.
Finally after two weeks, while returning back to home, we spoke. "I..." we both spoke and looked at each other and smiled. We both insisted each other to speak but finally I agreed to speak. I remained where we met. I further mentioned that I was confused whether I have seen him before or not. He also explained he was also confused whether he had seen me before or not.
With the time passing, we started becoming good friends. We had seven people in the groups. we seven used to share each and everything. But I was much attached with him rather than other friends. I used to provide him notes. Moreover, I was with him whenever he needed me. In this way, we spend our life and friendship for seven and half years. "
"Then after that what happen?"Ash asked.
"We studied together and had relationship more than 6 years. But I started liking him at the end of the Master's degree. Everyone in the class used tease us with each other's name. Most of the friends used to tell we look good as a couple. "
"Who proposed?" asked Ash in curiosity.
"Keep quiet,"n said another friend.
"Although, he was friendly, he never shared about his personal matter and I even didn't bother about his personal matter. He seem to be friendly but some how he was shy. He most of the time remain silent. He used to speak less whereas I was opposite of him as I was talkative and crazy person.
I wanted to express my feeling towards him but couldn't. In one hand, I used to think that he has his partner. In another hand, I used to think,he hasn't. I was confused. My heart used to tell to express my felling towards him. My brain used to tell not to express. I was confused. Lots of my friends encouraged me to express my feelings but I was waiting for the right time.
By waiting time, our college was over. I felt uncomfortable and guilty for not expressing the feelings. Although, I planned to express my feelings but couldn't. It was very hard for me to express my feelings. Whenever, I go near him, I felt nervous. I don't what happens to me, whenever I talk with him.
When college was over, there was less communication between us. I used to remember him but never dared to call him. Whenever, I tried to dial his number, I used to cut the phone. I didn't know what to tell and what not to. I used to miss him very badly but never knew whether he was missing me or not.
After eight months of college over, there was get together of college friends. I was happy that I was able to see and meet him. Most of the friends arrived and we were waiting for him. It was around 9:30 am, he came. I was happy to see him. But he was with one person. He introduced hes his wife. When I heard this, I was shocked. I wanted to cry a lot but couldn;t show it and congratuated him.
All were happy and smiling. Although, I pretended that I was happy, I wasn't. From my bottom of heart, I was not happy. I was feeling guilty for not expressing my feelings. I felt if I had expressed, I could have known what he have for me. If he had rejected me, rejection could not be problem but at least I could have known what he was thinking about me. But I couldn't. The time had gone for men."
When I returned back, I cried a lot. I blamed myself for not letting him know about my love. for many days, I felt guilty. Till now, I blame myself for not expressing my love. I shouldn't have waited for the time. I feel regrets for that."
The environment was silence. Most of the friends had tears in their eyes. Ash who was talking a lot was silence now and she too had tears in her eyes. Ankita too was silent and started crying and said," Please, guys, if you have loved anyone please express it other wise, you will loose the loved one. There is no second chance in your love. If I had expressed, my life could be in another point. There is a guilt in my heart till now. If I have given a chance, I could have express my love but there is no second chance. If I get married, still there remains a guilt in my heart."
Everyone was asking about the present relationship status. Most of them very supposed to get married and some of them were in the relationship. But Ankita had different story. Her friends started asking about her relationship status. At first, she was silent. All of her friends insisted her to tell her story and finally agreed to tell her story.
"Ten years ago, we met in book exhibition in Bhrikuti Mandap."
"What? You were already in relationship in the school time and didn't let us know," said Ash.
"Listen her first," said another friend Pavitra.
"OK."
"It was book exhibition. Our school also took us in the book exhibition in Bhrikuti Mandap in 2002. In that exhibition different students were present. There I saw him.
"Hello," he said.
"Hi," I said.
"Which school do you belong to?"
"Unique Boarding High School and you?"
"Siddhartha."
Meanwhile, representative teachers called us and went from there.
After three years......
I joined the college for Bachelor's Degree in journalism. In the college, I met him. After one week of the college opening, I saw one student. At first, I looked at him and I was confused whether I have seen him before or not. He also started looking at me but we never got opportunity to talk about this matter.
It was Friday and it was raining badly. I was about to go and saw him. He didn't bring his umbrella. I approached him to use my umbrella till the bus stop. Till our bus stop, we didn't speak out. We were feeling uncomfortable. We looked each other and smiled. This continued for many days.
Finally after two weeks, while returning back to home, we spoke. "I..." we both spoke and looked at each other and smiled. We both insisted each other to speak but finally I agreed to speak. I remained where we met. I further mentioned that I was confused whether I have seen him before or not. He also explained he was also confused whether he had seen me before or not.
With the time passing, we started becoming good friends. We had seven people in the groups. we seven used to share each and everything. But I was much attached with him rather than other friends. I used to provide him notes. Moreover, I was with him whenever he needed me. In this way, we spend our life and friendship for seven and half years. "
"Then after that what happen?"Ash asked.
"We studied together and had relationship more than 6 years. But I started liking him at the end of the Master's degree. Everyone in the class used tease us with each other's name. Most of the friends used to tell we look good as a couple. "
"Who proposed?" asked Ash in curiosity.
"Keep quiet,"n said another friend.
"Although, he was friendly, he never shared about his personal matter and I even didn't bother about his personal matter. He seem to be friendly but some how he was shy. He most of the time remain silent. He used to speak less whereas I was opposite of him as I was talkative and crazy person.
I wanted to express my feeling towards him but couldn't. In one hand, I used to think that he has his partner. In another hand, I used to think,he hasn't. I was confused. My heart used to tell to express my felling towards him. My brain used to tell not to express. I was confused. Lots of my friends encouraged me to express my feelings but I was waiting for the right time.
By waiting time, our college was over. I felt uncomfortable and guilty for not expressing the feelings. Although, I planned to express my feelings but couldn't. It was very hard for me to express my feelings. Whenever, I go near him, I felt nervous. I don't what happens to me, whenever I talk with him.
When college was over, there was less communication between us. I used to remember him but never dared to call him. Whenever, I tried to dial his number, I used to cut the phone. I didn't know what to tell and what not to. I used to miss him very badly but never knew whether he was missing me or not.
After eight months of college over, there was get together of college friends. I was happy that I was able to see and meet him. Most of the friends arrived and we were waiting for him. It was around 9:30 am, he came. I was happy to see him. But he was with one person. He introduced hes his wife. When I heard this, I was shocked. I wanted to cry a lot but couldn;t show it and congratuated him.
All were happy and smiling. Although, I pretended that I was happy, I wasn't. From my bottom of heart, I was not happy. I was feeling guilty for not expressing my feelings. I felt if I had expressed, I could have known what he have for me. If he had rejected me, rejection could not be problem but at least I could have known what he was thinking about me. But I couldn't. The time had gone for men."
When I returned back, I cried a lot. I blamed myself for not letting him know about my love. for many days, I felt guilty. Till now, I blame myself for not expressing my love. I shouldn't have waited for the time. I feel regrets for that."
The environment was silence. Most of the friends had tears in their eyes. Ash who was talking a lot was silence now and she too had tears in her eyes. Ankita too was silent and started crying and said," Please, guys, if you have loved anyone please express it other wise, you will loose the loved one. There is no second chance in your love. If I had expressed, my life could be in another point. There is a guilt in my heart till now. If I have given a chance, I could have express my love but there is no second chance. If I get married, still there remains a guilt in my heart."
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